My Struggles In School

This topic for me is sometimes very hard to speak about. It brings back memories that I wish wasn’t a memory. I think everyone struggles in school with the pressure of finding what you want to do when you leave, the stress of exams and trying to fit in. To me it was like walking through the gates of hell everyday and that’s not an exaggeration.

So, I left school in 2015. I’m 19 now and the struggles from school are still with me to this day.

I still can’t really explain what I was going through back then and I’m not the best at explaining it now. It’s almost a bit of a blur. I’ve been trying to erase everything from my mind but there’s still certain memories I will never be able to forget.

Everyone obviously has their good and bad days but for me, everyday was a bad day. I missed so much of school and wasted what was supposed to be the best years of my life due to my mental health. Some days I just couldn’t and didn’t want to get out of bed. Not because of laziness or wanting to skive, but because I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handle walking into school and staying the full day. What made it even harder was when people started picking up on how much I wasn’t coming in. So the comments started, “shock she’s not here again”. With those comments and knowing people were talking about it behind my back, built up the anxiety and made me want to avoid school and people even more. Seeing as I missed so much of school, I was failing pretty much every class. I wasn’t up to date with anything, people had their own groups and tasks in class and I was just there trying to understand everything and to be as positive as I possibly could be. During my time in school my parents split up which definitely made things very difficult. Other situations occurred as well and it was just one problem after the other. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t wake up, I was a zombie. I think a lot of people need to be more open-minded when it comes to mental health. If you’re smiling and laughing it doesn’t mean you’re the happiest person alive. The amount of times I pushed through my sadness and anger every day and cracked jokes, laughed and smiled. I tried to make things better for myself but it just made things worse. I created a second version of myself which was fake. When the weekends came around I would always go out because it was almost like an escape from everything and I could finally take my mind off life for a little while.

I will say something though, if you are struggling in school, you NEED to open up. I kept a lot of things bottled up and it took over everything. People ask me if I regret leaving school early and I always say no. If I really think about it, I do. I wish I tried to stick in and got better qualifications but at that time in my life I just couldn’t. I had to take a huge step and do what was best for me. I did have a few teachers who believed in me and tried to make things easier. I also had a big group of friends. It will never be forgotten. I guess what I’m trying to say is you don’t have to suffer alone. There are loads of people out there who are willing to support you. You just have to be willing to help yourself. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have the best grades, you tried your best and that’s what matters. All my friends are at university, college, jobs. I’m still figuring out everything. That’s OKAY. I do wish people were as understanding as they are now. Loads of people are posting about mental health and how it is okay to take a day off for yourself. It wasn’t okay for me to do that back then but I am glad people are more understanding now.

I feel like I’m a completely different person now. I still struggle with mental health daily but I’m trying to get better. A lot of the time I think people have a lot of fear when it comes to asking for help. There’s always people who have it harder than you but that doesn’t mean your problems doesn’t matter. You only have one life. If you feel like you’re not coping, just know that it’s okay and you’re not alone.

 

I am extremely nervous about posting this and I have been wanting to post this for days now but I have been too scared.. so please be kind. I could easily write more about this subject but I don’t want to drag on! thank you for reading. 🙂

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Comfort Shoes

Quick note before I begin, I apologise for not writing recently. I’m back now though and it’s time to talk about shoes.

This is just a tiny section of my shoe collection. If I was to take pictures and explain every little detail of every shoe, I think you would all rather watch paint dry. Once I start getting more blog posts up that is fashion related, you will soon realise I tend to lean towards comfort over anything. Which is why you’ll hardly ever see me in heels. It’s honestly comical, you do not want to see it.

I have chosen a few pairs of shoes that I tend to wear daily. The shoes I have picked are super reliable when it comes to picking an outfit. If I am wearing a dull outfit, they add a little bit of detail so it’s not too boring. They’re all super comfy too which is obviously a bonus!

So to start things off, I have chosen two pairs of shoes which are exactly the same but different colours.

 

These shoes are from Primark and they were £8 each. I also noticed they do them in a pump version too which is really cute and have a classy type look to them. The picture of the pumps can be found on Primarks Instagram.

Next, another pair of plimsolls! These are from New Look so I can link them below if anyone likes them, they are in the sale too! My mum actually bought these shoes for herself when she went on holiday, now we share them because I fell in love with them. The detail on them kind of reminds of a Chinese material I have for sewing which is why I love them so much.

Black Satin Floral Brocade Slip On Plimsolls

 

Last but not least, these little beauties. I bought these from New Look a little while ago so I can’t find them on the website anymore. Even though they have gaps in between the straps and it can be cold, these will look so nice for Autumn with leggings/jeans and a big wooly jumper and scarf. (I live for Autumn and Winter by the way).

 

So that is it! my little collection of shoes. I have loads of ideas for upcoming blog posts so if you would like, follow me to keep updated. Thank you for reading and again, sorry for being so quite. Till next time! 🙂 X

Natural Look

I never really wear a lot of make up unless I go out on a Friday or Saturday. That’s when the false lashes, lippy and layers of highlighter comes out.

On a regular day I either way absolutely nothing or a bit of mascara and nude eye shadow. Although, today I was feeling very bare and gloomy. So, I decided to go all out and even put foundation on! Here, I will be showing what products I use to create a natural glowy look.

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Before any make up was applied.

 

To start things off, I applied a tiny amount of primer. Now when I say tiny, I mean tiny. Reason for this is because I don’t know how much to use and what stuff I should buy for it to work? The stuff I use at the moment is nice but I don’t see the difference when I use it or not. I have watched hundreds of make up tutorials on YouTube and so many of them say primer is key. I will learn some day!

I then applied my foundation. Fun fact, I have used this foundation for over a year now and I haven’t used anything else other than a Nuskin one. I get so attached to the same products, help!

The mascara I use is amazing. I fell in love with it the first day I tried it. It is more on the expensive side for a mascara but to be honest, I don’t care because it has worked so well and it is long lasting.

I never wear lip gloss if it is the weekend as I feel lipsticks last longer. The lip gloss I am wearing is really good though, it stays on really well but it is definitely not the colour I thought it would be. Other than that though, it does the job!

I own 2 Morphe palettes and I adore them both. So many looks can be created as there is so many different shades. From matte to glitter, it can create the perfect look and it’s super easy to blend. For this look I used 2 colours. One tanned colour and a tiny bit of brown.

 

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The finished look!

 

Products used –

  • MUA Pro Base Primer – £4 – SHOP
  • Eylure Shape & Shade Brow Pencil & Tamer Blonde – £5.39 – SHOP
  • Too Faced Mascara (Better Than Sex) – £19 – SHOP
  • No7 Stay Perfect Foundation – £15 – SHOP
  • Morphe 35P 35 Colour Plum Palette – £22.50 – SHOP
  • Revolution Highlighter – It is no longer being sold the one I use, I think it is very old.
  • Tanya Burr Lunch Date Lip Gloss – £5.99 – SHOP

Please could I ask those who may read this post, give me some ideas on what products I should be using! I need a new primer, eyebrow kit, highlighter and a good lipstick/lip gloss! I need to expand my collection.

Thank you for reading! X

 

Top 10 Songs That Make Me Happy

If you know me personally then you may know I’m in love with music. I feel that music connects people in a way that communication cannot. Feeling happy? Listen to music. Feeling down? Listen to music.

Music for me has always been an escape route. I connected with music from a very young age. My dad has a brilliant taste in music and he is definitely where I picked it up from. He introduced me to so many different bands and musicians. Such as The Beatles, David Bowie, Prince, Dire Straits, Pink Floyd, Creedence Clearwater Revival.. The list goes on for days. Or even years.

My music taste can vary. One day I could be listening to Etta James and the next day I could be listening to Miley Cyrus. There’s no boundaries when it comes to music.

Anyway, I’ll be doing more posts about Music but for now, here’s my top 10 Songs I listen to when I’m happy. Or when I need a bit of a lift. In no particular order –

1. David Bowie – Rebel Rebel

2. Rusted Root – Send Me On My Way

3. Chuck Berry – You Never Can Tell

4. Toto – Africa

5. Billy Idol – Dancing With Myself

6. Walking On Sunshine 

7. Paolo Nutini – New Shoes 

8. Florence + The Machine – Shake It Out

9. The Killers – Mr Brightside 

10. Stereophonics – Dakota

All of these songs have a different meaning and connection with me but all of them do the job. After listening to these songs I always get a boost to get up again and do something. Or if not, it just makes me feel a little bit more comfortable.

If you haven’t yet listened to some of these songs or heard of the artists. Please check them out below! I have created a playlist on my Spotify so you can all check the songs out. I am pretty confident in saying that you will not be disappointed.

Happy Songs

Thanks for reading and happy listening!

Flashback to Majorca

Does anyone else go on holiday, it goes super fast and then you want to go back straight away because it feels like it never really happened? because that is what happens to me ALL the time.

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I have been abroad 4 times now but the older I am getting, my experiences have been different every time. Back when I was younger I went to Egypt and then Cyprus with my mum and dad. I was obviously younger so I have very faded memories of those holiday, although I do remember them being great obviously. Now, my mum and dad are separated. So this time, it was me, my mum, my boyfriend, mums best friend, her daughter and her daughters friend.

The reason why my experiences have been so different is because now, as you get older you take more in. The culture, the views, the things and people you see. I live in Orkney so the weather is a massive change!

I am not the most confident girl you will ever meet. I have never been comfortable in my own body and I am very self conscious. When I get the opportunity to travel to these types of places, its almost as if it disappears. All the worry and fear that someone you know will see you in a dress without tights. Or, a big worry for me is being in a swimming costume. For me, that is without a doubt an absolute living NIGHTMARE.

It took me a few days to properly get used to being so bare. To walk around without a towel wrapped around me, to be able to walk about without trying to find a different route that wasn’t so busy. Not sure how I got over it. I think with my boyfriend being with me, it made me realise that, if he didn’t like my body and didn’t find me attractive, then why on earth would he be here? Plus, nobody knew me there, so why would I give a damn!

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One thing I loved about Majorca was the details on the old buildings. The old windows, the pretty tiles, flowers on every corner. It was one of those moments where you wish your eyes could take pictures because no matter what camera I used there was no way I could capture the beauty of everything. Not forgetting the heat, oh my god. For a pale Scottish girl to be wandering about you definitely stood out from the crowd.

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If anyone does ever decide to go to Majorca, then you have to visit the Old Town. It is beautiful! So many stalls with pretty jewellery (that you may be forced to buy!) but it is worth it. Loads of cute souvenirs, little trinket shops and amazing scenery. I wish we could’ve stayed for longer there but it was by far the hottest day.

 

 

 

 

There is one photo that I will treasure forever. Slightly cocky because it’s a picture of me.. but the reason why I love it so much is because I look so happy. I normally hate showing my teeth… the famous fang. Anyway, I hate my smile so I always keep my mouth closed in pictures. But in this picture, I am properly smiling, my hair hasn’t seen a hairbrush in a day or 2 and I just don’t care. For me, that is true happiness and confidence that I will never forget.

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Thank you so much for reading and putting up with my never ending rambles. Till next time, adiós!

The Importance Of Friendship

“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone”

Having friends around you, even if it is just for an hour. It can change your mood completely, for me anyway. If I ever feel down or lonely which is actually a lot of the time, having a friend(s) around you can really lighten my mood. Over the past 7/8 months my life has dramatically changed due to friendship. When you are young, you always find new friends and loose old friends. It is part of growing up. Sometimes it makes no sense at all why we all of a sudden grow apart from certain people who for ages, were a huge part of your life and who you are. I am a big believer in believing that things always happen for a reason. Even though sometimes it make no sense.. but it always falls into place at some point.

Me and my friends are currently 18/19. So we are all at that stage in life where we are finding out who we are, what we want to do, moving on and trying to make a living. All of my friends have an idea on what they want to be when we grow older. Me on the other hand, I don’t. I have struggled with this for years. I left school early, I have been winging it for the past few years. I feel isolated and confused when it comes to life. Although, one thing I will always be grateful for, is my friends for supporting me. They know who I am, they know my hobbies and my struggles. I look up to them in awe. In a way, I am very jealous of how smart, brave and amazing they are. To see them get accepted into University and college makes me happy. Even though I wont be going with them, I know whatever they do, they will boss it.

I can’t describe how I feel about them going away. I feel emotional, scared and jealous of them leaving. I will miss them beyond words. But our friendship will always be in my heart and I know that we will always make it work to see each other.

To say you have friends is easy, but to know you actually have people in your life that love you unconditionally for who you are is so special. The nights where you are all sat around each other having chats about absolute nonsense. Talking about the weird things you like, listening to David Bowie and other legends, telling each other your weird secrets. It all makes a difference. We all have different personalities, different opinions. We bicker, we argue about stupid things that makes no sense but it makes our friendship stronger. My friends are some of the most inspiring people to be around. They give me advice that I would never of thought of myself. They inspire me to be who I am and not who people want me to be. They make my life better and easier. They make me feel at home.

We all struggle with something, big or small. But no matter how important or stupid the situation is, we all go out of our way to try to make things easier.

“Avoid people who bring you misery, disturb your peace & don’t allow you to be yourself. Choose those who support, motivate & encourage you.”

This is a thank you for giving my life a meaning. You all know who you are. Love you all lots.