My Struggles In School

This topic for me is sometimes very hard to speak about. It brings back memories that I wish wasn’t a memory. I think everyone struggles in school with the pressure of finding what you want to do when you leave, the stress of exams and trying to fit in. To me it was like walking through the gates of hell everyday and that’s not an exaggeration.

So, I left school in 2015. I’m 19 now and the struggles from school are still with me to this day.

I still can’t really explain what I was going through back then and I’m not the best at explaining it now. It’s almost a bit of a blur. I’ve been trying to erase everything from my mind but there’s still certain memories I will never be able to forget.

Everyone obviously has their good and bad days but for me, everyday was a bad day. I missed so much of school and wasted what was supposed to be the best years of my life due to my mental health. Some days I just couldn’t and didn’t want to get out of bed. Not because of laziness or wanting to skive, but because I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handle walking into school and staying the full day. What made it even harder was when people started picking up on how much I wasn’t coming in. So the comments started, “shock she’s not here again”. With those comments and knowing people were talking about it behind my back, built up the anxiety and made me want to avoid school and people even more. Seeing as I missed so much of school, I was failing pretty much every class. I wasn’t up to date with anything, people had their own groups and tasks in class and I was just there trying to understand everything and to be as positive as I possibly could be. During my time in school my parents split up which definitely made things very difficult. Other situations occurred as well and it was just one problem after the other. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t wake up, I was a zombie. I think a lot of people need to be more open-minded when it comes to mental health. If you’re smiling and laughing it doesn’t mean you’re the happiest person alive. The amount of times I pushed through my sadness and anger every day and cracked jokes, laughed and smiled. I tried to make things better for myself but it just made things worse. I created a second version of myself which was fake. When the weekends came around I would always go out because it was almost like an escape from everything and I could finally take my mind off life for a little while.

I will say something though, if you are struggling in school, you NEED to open up. I kept a lot of things bottled up and it took over everything. People ask me if I regret leaving school early and I always say no. If I really think about it, I do. I wish I tried to stick in and got better qualifications but at that time in my life I just couldn’t. I had to take a huge step and do what was best for me. I did have a few teachers who believed in me and tried to make things easier. I also had a big group of friends. It will never be forgotten. I guess what I’m trying to say is you don’t have to suffer alone. There are loads of people out there who are willing to support you. You just have to be willing to help yourself. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have the best grades, you tried your best and that’s what matters. All my friends are at university, college, jobs. I’m still figuring out everything. That’s OKAY. I do wish people were as understanding as they are now. Loads of people are posting about mental health and how it is okay to take a day off for yourself. It wasn’t okay for me to do that back then but I am glad people are more understanding now.

I feel like I’m a completely different person now. I still struggle with mental health daily but I’m trying to get better. A lot of the time I think people have a lot of fear when it comes to asking for help. There’s always people who have it harder than you but that doesn’t mean your problems doesn’t matter. You only have one life. If you feel like you’re not coping, just know that it’s okay and you’re not alone.

 

I am extremely nervous about posting this and I have been wanting to post this for days now but I have been too scared.. so please be kind. I could easily write more about this subject but I don’t want to drag on! thank you for reading. 🙂

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6 thoughts on “My Struggles In School

  1. Thanks for sharing this, and well done. I went through something similar at school and can relate to “walking through the gates of hell everyday”. I hope you have more good days than bad days now. You have such a talent for writing, don’t stop. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very relatable and I’m sorry that you went through such a hard time. Kids can be so judgemental and unkind making it hard to open up but having true friends to support you helps a lot. I’m glad your doing better now and you deserve to be happy and take the time to make sure you are. Health is the most important thing and that includes mental health, some people forget that. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Cathy! I have an amazing bunch of girls who support and help me which is so good. Yes, mental health seems to be an easy thing to forget about but at the end of the day it’s the most important thing ever. Thank you ❤ X

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  3. Well written blog and very brave of you to open up about it, and I’m glad that you have an amazing support network that’s there for you 🙂

    Honestly mental health needs to be taught better in schools, the idea that bullies thrive on the idea of a young person not being at school as a means to bully them further is disgusting and I feel that the problem is worldwide. There needs to be more support networks available for people that are being effected by mental health/bullying to prevent them from falling deeper into the cycle.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It seriously does. Something needs to be done and quick. There’s people out there who may be suffering and they don’t know why. They might think it’s stupid and that means it’s just going to get worse. Completely agree with you. Thank you for reading! X

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